ok, so i have a new account. this one is dead and the username bothers me, So if you want to see anything new of mine or even keep track of my deviations you must add me new account: [link] all my old deviations will remain here, except my newest ones...so, hope to see you around. ta.

I did something beautiful today I did it right after I witnessed the opening of heaven. It happens every morning but I rarely get to witness it. When the sun rises and kisses the clouds, so much like a child’s hiccups, innocent and pure for just a while. It was beautiful. I saw this through the picture frame window in the coffee shop. I never want to stop seeing that.

On my walk home. my 20 minute walk in the six am heat, the one that is so worth it for that opening of the sky in the mornings, I saw a homeless woman. I had a few dollars, I was saving them for a pastry on the way home, maybe even a pear. I adore pears. But I saw her, with my tummy full of good tea, the coffee shop makes great tea, and I felt greedy. So I gave her my three dollars and some odd number of cents. She said some nice things and a few god bless yous, but I really just said have a good day and walked off. Honestly I didn’t think anything of it until I was half way home and thinking about tomorrow when I would have another chance to buy a pastry. It dawned of me that I had done something good and beautiful. It was only a few dollars, but maybe she can buy a pastry now.

what has happened to you all here? why do i continue to post on this silly website...? where have all my friends gone?...

Spent my Friday being pissed and listening to Zeromancer cause Eric flaked on me. Around noon a dear named Richard did me a favor and burnt some music for me so I rode down to the park and chatted with him. I really adore him (even if he is a tad short) you see he really is absolutely lovely. Very fallen angel looking. I’m going to be taking some photos of him. Its been awhile since I’ve wanted to do anything but Photoshop stock shit, and to tell the truth I’m really quite good with photography if I enjoy the model and I’m focused on the task. Seeing Richard really helped to pick up my mood, even though I’m sure he’s assuming that I’m infatuated with him, I really just need a friend to share common interests with.

Around two am on Friday, when I seem to get my most productive things done, I painted for the first time in a while. It was really lovely. Peaceful. Lol, with the fantastic mix Richard made me, my new opium incense and a chocolate bagel, the night turned out rather lovely after all.

On Saturday I spent a few hours taking down pictures of Andrea and Brandon. Toby came over and we got on the conversation of sex. I was wondering aloud as to the oddity of how wanton the two of us have been lately. He said that perhaps its because our previous relationships were so unsatisfying, both physically and intellectually. From what I understand his last was just uninspiring. Very…well…opposed to exploration you could say. There was no excitement there you could say and I suppose that with me and Dustin it was the same. Though we never went all the way you could tell right off the bat that Dustin wasn’t very…primitive. I bit but he never bit back. And oral on his part felt like such a chore. After awhile it felt like we were merely going through the motions. You know…INSERT MOAN HERE____________...that kinda thing. Like I said he’s juts not a primitive kinda guy, which really ruins it for me. How can you get in the mood if your boyfriend is asking permission before he does anything? Sad I know. the best parts of Dustin were the small spontaneous things. Like, sneaking gropes here or there while on the bus or walking home. who knows if toby and I are correct, it just seems to make sense. That the reason my body seems so out of control lately, is because my previous relationship was so unsatisfying.

Sunday was even more interesting. I found out that there’s a good chance my parents are splitting up. I also looked at getting a new enlarger. I’m going to rebuild the old darkroom. I also started my old exercise routine as well as joined a new group of enthusiasts. Its known as FreeRunning and or parkour, sometimes even referred to as Free Jump. Free run or free jump is the new alternative sport so I’m learning. Remember when you were eight years old and running like you were lighting jumping and bouncing off of everything you could? That’s free running. Did you ever see those addidas commercials where the guys are jumping across building roof tops and scaling walls? Well I met this group on Sunday and…jumped the park! it was amazing. Innocent and…free. I want to see how extreme I can take my free jumps. Its an incredible way to free your mind. To let your body and everything go. If you love to run, try it!

All in all my weekend wasn’t terrible, intense, but not terrible.

Saturday was the most wonderful thought, a spontaneous idea, we drive to Monteray. So we did, on the hat, we went and spent the day on the beach in Carmel. The ocean was beautiful and left me feeling very cleansed. Like the salty waves had somehow washed my soul.

At one point I stood alone atop a magnificent sand dune and, due to high altitude, a cloud passed right…well…the correct wording is that the wind afforded me the immaculate opportunity to stand within a cloud. Much like standing in the fog. Only sweeter. Cooler. Beautiful.

So from there, I ran from dune to dune, running down and through clouds. After a certain point I merely lie down in my cute as hell orange bathing suit and wrote a little…some poetry, mostly doodled a lot and wrote down all my thoughts and worries and fears of the moment, and tore them up and threw them to the ocean.

The ride home was really amazing. We left around 9pm so the moon was up and brilliant. While I was thinking and pondering a way to capture it, and somehow stick it in my mouth….(I imagine it would be quite cool and taste like space beauty)…I heard the most terrible and random THWACK! On the window. Several more followed suit and when I looked I saw what appeared to be tiny light bulbs attacking the Jeep. Suddenly I realized that the luminescent little creatures were indeed, fireflies. Nearly 60 of them had somehow swarmed over the highway in the late night moonlight. It was truly the most beautiful suicide I have ever witnessed.

ok, so i feel the need to doll out credit to a few people here on DA.

for starters, we'll credit the group i belong to:

then my close and devote friends here, they offer me support and i love them dearly for it: :iconbriananderson:

now people who have ehlped and supported me here on DA: and


thank you all. i adore you.